My Sexuality A Subject For Social Judgement | LGBT

In a society where hetero normality is the social construct, my true sexuality is a topic for discussion and criticism.

My Sexuality A Subject For Social Judgement | LGBT

  Since it was pride month recently, this might be the best time to dive into a subject of sexuality and acceptance. Indian society is as we all know, religious and highly cultural with strong patriarchy.

   Anything outside the gender norms and dictated normal behavior is often met with criticism, skepticism, ridicule, and a lot of backlashes. As a child, I heard my parents, and other elders talk or rather ignore people who act outside their definitions of normal. Also, any person who acted out or rebelled in any way was considered unstable. Homophobia had been normalized to such a degree that I developed a sense of internalized homophobia without even realizing it. This may not seem so problematic to a majority of people reading this, but as someone who was questioning their sexuality and on the journey to self-recognization this was most certainly a big burden for me. 

 Sexuality as is known is not a state but rather a spectrum which means that unless someone is very in tune with their inner self, finding our true selves can be a major issue especially when a person has internalized homophobia. Along with the added issue that exposure to anything LGBTQ+ is non-existent, the journey of self-identification was truly a hard and long one for me. My sexuality is something I am discovering more each day and although I have come a long way, my destination is yet to arrive.

  I always had an ongoing battle between what I had been taught was correct and between what I knew was correct for me. It wasn't always hard but it wasn't always easy too. Ever since a young age, I felt a certain connection to people of both genders and that scared me. With heterosexual representation all around me, I felt the need to suppress my true feelings and focus only on the ones that I felt were acceptable. With my friends openly discussing their crushes, I felt so ashamed, embarrassed, confused, and insecure because I had all these feelings for people of both genders. I knew what homosexuality was, but I couldn't accept myself being a lesbian because I liked boys, and I also couldn't accept myself being straight because I knew I liked girls too. The question as to why I am so different from my friends bothered me but I had no one to talk to.

  I knew I couldn't talk about this to my parents because I knew how they viewed homosexuals. I also knew I couldn't talk about this to my friends because I didn't want to be considered different and a freak. The question was eating me up from the inside but I had no answers. It took me a few good years to know that I was a bisexual and a few more years to finally accept myself the way I am.

 However, as soon as the huge issue of finally discovering my sexuality was over, another issue came forth, Acceptance and Judgement. In a society where being queer is such a taboo, the main people that mattered, my parents, my family they were highly homophobic so my chances of coming out to them are minimal. There is a huge chance of them rejecting  and even disowning me.

 My issues may seem like something only I am going through but I know there are so many more people that are going through the same thing I am going through. We may be able to forgive our parents for not accepting us because we know they love us, but the judgemental people who just say, Humarey Yaha Aisa Nahi Hota hai and stuff that just breaks us so much so that we never truly accept who we are and end up hating ourselves.

   You never know what someone is going through at any given time. So please be open and supportive of them. The rates of depression and anxiety in queer people are so high because of all these issues and honestly, it hurts not being able to accept and embrace ourselves with pride. Changing the entire society is hard but if we change ourselves to be better and kind people, maybe, just maybe, we will be able to make a better place, one person at a time.